You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
