dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
