Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
