I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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