wat bout pragnant strippers??
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
