so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
