I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
