I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
