Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
