She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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