Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
