what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
