I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
