Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize