i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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