the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize