She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
