I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
