Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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