I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
