hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
