I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
