did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You are the jesus of drinking
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
