You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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