i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
