Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
