I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't turn off my feet"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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