I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
