just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I look better un-naked...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
