My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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