have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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