K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My cat gives me a boner
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
