I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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