Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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