I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
