we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
