Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
