He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
