I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
