why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
