i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize