Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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