gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
