Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
