I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
