perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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