what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
