I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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