what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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