I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
