I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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