onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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