I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
