She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
