WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
