operation harelip BJ is a go
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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