having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
