He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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