he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
