my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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