Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
