good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
