I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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