Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
