Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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