Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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