So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
