are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
