You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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