where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
