so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
