She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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