he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
